Emma’s Journal

Oiy, another day of moodiness…
Just waiting for a call from the nurse to start on remicade…i’m hoping i’m one of the fortunate ones that go in remission within a few rounds…hopefully not one that has a severe reaction…i think it makes it worse being a nurse working adn caring for people with severe sepsis, chf and other of the bad reactions…

Yah, that’s what i am, a raging, hormonal, crazed bitch. The high doses of the prednisone is driving me crazy. I’m not getting any relief from the pain, i’m only getting super mad at everything. I don’t have patience…i’m so easily agitated and want to scream at EVERYONE and Everything! I’m so upset at how i feel i’m tempted to just wean off VERY quickly, because i don’t like how i feel. This rollercoaster of moods is really getting to me….ugh~

Aside from this, i have immersed myself in the soo..k..ie…St..ack..house books (t.ru.eb.l00d ser.ies) I’m what i would call addicted to them now. They certainly don’t have me loving them as much as Tw.,il.ight, but nonetheless they are a good read with some much needed raunch scenes in them

As my title of the post says…I’m exhausted!
I started this journal back when i was preggo with my 4th, I also journaled about my crohn’s disease and how often i had flare ups and my treatments and whatnot.

Well about 6 weeks ago, i relapsed into another wonderful flare up of my guts. I was on prednisone 50mg, and then tapered. Of course this time in 5 weeks it didn’t get any better. Now my hgb is in the low 90’s, I’m insanely tired. I”m off work on sick leave for a couple of weeks. I am seeing a new GI guy at work. He works internal med, so we have him admit cardiac pts. He’s so nice, so he’s easy to talk to that ’s for sure.
Basically, he’s diagnosed me with crohn’s/colitis. Yep, leave it to me to have both…and said that i’m steroid dependant which isn’t helping for the moment. So he gave me 3 options. Imuran, methotrexate or go to remicade or humira. The side effects from all are bad, but of course not treating properly is bad too. (in bad i mean cancer causing, rare form of lymphoma) So feeling as ill as i am, walking around like talking dead, i’ve opted for remicade. I haven’t started it yet, just waiting to have my CT and CXR done. I’m scared of course, but the imuran would take another 3 months before i may feel better. I can’t go on like this much longer. Anyway, sorry about the whiney post, just for my records and whatever.

I worked a 12 hr backshift last night…..it was quite the eventful shift needless to say.
One thing i haven’t blogged about lately is that I have accepted a job in coronary care, as opposed to intensive care. It is basically the same, well qualifications and whatnot it is the same, just not as much vents and longterm patients.
Anyway, i get on shift last night, the nurse i was relieving wasn’t there, she was up on the floors with a patient that had arrested earlier, when one of us arrives, a critical care nurse has to stay until transfer to icu/ccu. Anyway, we were the only ones with an empty bed so the transfer would come to me. I came up and sadly to say, the family were around, basically letting the patient live until all the family members arrived. So i come back downstairs to find my nurse so she can give me report on my other patient. She does so, and gives me an update about my other patient i had the night before. He came in with a new MI, anyway, coughing, sob, o2 sats were fine, just really restless and pretty much giving all the warning signs of spiraling down the shitter quickly. Needless to say he was airlifted out with cardiogenic shock and died 4 hrs later. Quite sad, he was a very nice man.
After i get my blurb, check my chart, a code blue in rec.room is called overhead, of course on the code team off i go, it’s an 8yr old boy, airway obstruction….thank goodness they were quick calling it and it was bascially just manually ventilation and drugs to calm him. THat wouldn’t have been good to see something go wrong…i don’t mind seeing 80 odd yr olds die, but children….nope. So off i go back to my unit.
Maybe a half hr later another code blue announced, up on a surgical floor. I arrived with the other nurses and begin compressions, my arms feel as though they are going to fall off as i type. Poor lady, was 80 some yrs old, ca of the lung, etc, no code status was addressed prior to this, so after 15 minutes later, many attempts at IV’s and whatnot, the dr. decided to call it.
So i get back to my unit, take care of my patient, get my empty bed ready for some kind of admission, (*hopefully it would stay empty*) and sit around doing my checks hrly.
AT 3 am i get another MI, ant/septal infarct. He had TNK and was having frequent f&*ked up arrythmia’s. Anyway, he ended up doing fine but i thought i was going to have deja vu from the night before since he presented pretty much the same as the other fella. ANyway, just thought i’d blog about this craziness, so i could unwind and get tired before going to sleep.

Looks like we won’t be having baby #6..2 positive tests and one negative….i’ve started spotting today, looks like i’ll have my fullblown period by tomorrow.
I’m not sure what was going through my head. i really didn’t want to have anymore, but the idea of it wasn’t the end of the world. If it had happened well we’d have dealt with it.
So anyway, now that’s over, i’ll be getting my IUD next week. No more worries ever again.

Well still no show….
What actually prompted me to even consider such things was I was actually at the gyne office requesting the mirena iud for cycle control since I had my tubes done my period has been quite heavy so he said that happens when ppl go off bc so I said I’ll give it a go so he asked when I last had a period I’m all like I don’t know LOL
So I figure it was going to come four days ago but that could be wrong LOL I highly doubt this is the case I’m in but it sure as hell has me wondering

So I have a question to you all out there
I had my tubes done last yr as you know well I don’t remember when I last started was early April but I don’t know the date
Anyway I was having telltale symptoms so I tested the first was negative but after about an hour it was positive I assume evaporation line so I tested again this time a really faint positive right away then hard to see then about ten min later very obviously positive anyone have any thoughts
I will obviously retest if I don’t start soon but what the he’ll I’m sterile!

Believe it or not, there isn’t much different in my life.

The baby turned 14 mos yesterday. He’s up to 27lbs now, and into size 2 clothes.

Ava she’s going to be 3 in april, she’s only 22 lbs and in size 2-3 clothes.

The rest of the children are doing well, the oldest will be 13 in april, so i have the moody pre-teen going on here.

We are in the process of trying to determine if my 9 yr old is lactose intolerant or not, so that would be good if we figure that out.

Work is pretty much the same, i have a full time spot in ICU. It’s absolutely crazy there, but a good crazy. I have my days where i’m thinking what did i do to myself. but overall it’s a good place to work, i couldn’;t imagine working somewhere else now. IT’s still hard when you get patients that arrest and are braindead, having to discuss with the family that the neuro signs i see are not good, we all know but aren’t to tell them until it’s ruled out with CT scan and Dr telling them of course. THat still gets to me every time but hey i wouldn’t be human if it didn’t.

I’ve been reading some books, of course the twilight series. I’m on the second one now and am getting quite frustrated hoping the characters will soon meet back up. (i know they have to there are 4 out there) lol

Well maybe i’ll post again sometime soon, i do check blogs every few days just the desire to write isn’t there anymore. I’m off to playgroup with teh kiddies. Will post again.

here’s what i was doing 1 yr ago today,

welcoming this sweet little guy in the world, happy birthday baby~